“Initial excitement soon gets infected by doubt, lack of confidence, ethical concerns, issues of censorship, and ultimately, of identity -my own as simultaneously a photographer, a facilitator, and a friend but someone who must keep one foot on the sidelines, who belongs and doesn’t at the same time” – Gemma Thorpe.

If only we could plot the emotional highs and lows of the average documentary project…I’ve had some serious ups and downs over recent months with the Roma work – the highs of producing a body of work that has been appreciated, winning a couple of grants, and seeing Ramona win recognition for her continued achievements (this month she did herself proud by getting onto the NHS list of approved interpreters); followed by the frustrations of trying to make new contacts in towns I don’t know, doubts about foisting an existing project onto a new place and new people, and the collapse due to staff changes of what I thought was my one sure-fire mini project. I wish I was more patient – I blame my time spent working on daily newspapers – because I know deep down that things do get better if you ride these periods out. So just as I started feeling that hopeful high that comes when you feel your luck is beginning to turn, this blog post by my friend Gemma resonated with me very much. It’s reassuring to know it’s not just me who often feels mildly unbalanced about the whole process. Her Youzi project, in which she is partnering with an academic to photograph and collaborate with Chinese students in Sheffield, is shaping up to be fascinating.

Tomorrow I’ll be talking about the genesis of Elvira and Me to a group of anthropology students at Manchester Uni. Preparing for this got me thinking about how ridiculously control-freaky I have a tendency to be, but how no matter how much you plan this kind of project, it always turns out differently to how you envisage at the start: in this particular case, despite all my incessant list-writing and plotting and attempts to cover all bases in one project, the project evolved organically and ended up having far greater depth than I could have foreseen at the start. This is of course the magic of journalism and of photography, and is what I love about it, but that doesn’t stop me trying to over-plan and squeeze every last drop of spontaneity out things, time after time, when I really should know better. I feel the need to remind myself of this as I move into the next chapters of this project. I am visiting a really lovely family in Middlesbrough this weekend, and will also be working with a group of Slovakian kids in Newcastle for the next few months. I have an ambitious young man to work with in Peterborough. I have no idea how the work is going to end up looking – maybe this time I should just go with the flow and not try to control everything as I did last time. Maybe I’ll just write a few initial lists though just to be sure…ha.

Centrepoint Collective just kindly highlighted my work with an interview about Elvira and Me on their blog. Feels weird answering the questions instead of posing them…kind of vulnerable.