When’s the right point to accept a project isn’t going to happen right now and move on? I imagine this is a question which befuddles documentary photographers on a regular basis – when to call time and when to give something one last shot. In the case of my proposed Rethink project – something I’m meant to be doing now for my MA and handing in in mid-April – barring any last-minute miracles I’d say that point is now. It’s hard not to feel demoralised and like a bit of a failure at having to radically change tack but when deadlines are bearing down as they are starting to, it’s really the only option and I think learning to recognise that is important. The fact this work is also  my submission for a group project showing at the Look11 photography festival in Liverpool in May is just stressing me out more. Right now it feels as though people are constantly asking to see my work, which I’m clearly not able to do. Frustrating isn’t the word.

I won’t go into the detail of what I wanted to do – as I believe it will still happen with time – but it would have involved collaboration and focused on eastern European Roma communities, that being for me a logical progression from written work I’d done in 2010. Despite my putting in lots of work over the past six months to identify and win the trust of potential subjects – in the process I’ve become genuinely very friendly with a family which I thought would be perfect – when it’s come down to it, no one’s been willing to getting involved. For all kinds of reasons completely out of my control I’ve waited 10 days to get the final yes or no, but yesterday it came. This is a shame as I felt I’d found people who defy some commonly-held stereotypes, being integrated, educated, proud of their identity and forward-thinking.  It seems that what I was asking though is perhaps a step too far for people who have after all moved to the UK to escape racism and discrimination. And there is no chance of persuading them to change their minds.

This is certainly very disappointing but I’ve done my best, and have been honest and open about my intentions and tried all the journalistic persuasion tricks in the book. Ultimately, I also have to remember that it’s not for me to judge. No matter how proud and open people are about their Roma identity when they feel safe and know who they’re talking to, maybe this is like asking someone to come out when they aren’t ready to. For me documentary photography is no big deal because I understand it, because I’m in control. Concerns raised before the final No included family privacy and the possibility that the photos could be misused or misrepresented. Ultimately though I can only reassure people so much and if the trust isn’t there there’s not much I can do, especially once the man of the house has said no. I’m not giving up completely and will be trying different approaches to get to know people from the community, while staying in touch with the family I’ve come to call friends. But for now I recognise that I need to put this on the backburner and move on.

I’m not going to stray too far from this theme though and hope instead to work in a similar collaborative way with a family or small group of English Gypsies – this could still prove problematic but I’m hopeful that previous work and contacts will help me along. This is in some senses make-or-break week, so I’m hoping for luck after a stressful and annoying 2011 so far. All I want is an end to the constant gnawing uncertainty and to shoot some photos.